[ My Heart is in India ]*

I walked in our keeping room yesterday evening and David was just staring at a photo of him and Anjali.  I sat down with him and he told me that he is trying to go nonstop everyday so that he can keep his mind off of her, but the second he stops, he feels like he is there.

It would be real easy for me to get jealous of that.  Or to be hurt by it.  Or feel that I am somehow inadequate. Or to not understand what he is feeling.

Except I feel the exact same way.

There is not an hour that goes by that I am not praying for her.  I'm anxious to hear from her caretaker (which we do multiple times a day), I'm anxious for news from our lawyer.  I'm anxious to meet her.  I'm anxious to be able to speak to her in the same language.  I'm anxious to hold her and tell her about this overwhelming love that God has given us for her.

I wanted to be honest with everyone so that if David and I seem distant, you will know it is because, right now, our hearts are not here.  They are with her.

Earlier this week we found some photos of her from David's first trip over 2 years ago.  She is one month away from turning 8 in these photos.  

Also, David mentioned in a previous post about when the orphans would ask to pray for him everyday while he was sick.  I found some photos of that also:

[ გმადლობთ ]*

One of the big obstacles has been our inability to find a way to learn to speak Telugu, so that we can talk one-on-one with the kids in India.  Telugu is the 15th most spoken language in the world, BUT it is spoken in one of the poorest regions in the world.  (ie: no need for most foreigners to learn it).  We have been searching everywhere for classes, online training, books, etc. with no luck.   So finally we just began praying that God would send us someone to teach us.  Last night, a friend from college, Robert Kesler, known just as Kesler in our fam, called last night to tell us that he has a friend from India.

Wait. It gets better.

From Andhra Pradesh (where the kids are from)

Wait for it. . .

Who speaks Telugu

and

. . .wants to teach us how to speak it!

YAHOO!!

So, გმადლობთ [pronounced: Dhanyavadhamulu (Dhan-ya-vada-mulu)], Kesler for helping us be able to talk to some very special children who are very dear to our hearts! What an incredible gift you have given us!

გმადლობთ just doesn't seem strong enough. :)

Also, just cause I think it is cool.  I learned Anjali's name today.  It is spelled: అంజలి

Isn't that beautiful?!

[ The Beginning - When God Spoke to My Heart about Adoption ]*

The journal excerpts below are from 2000, less than 2 months after my high school graduation. I was preparing for, and then participating in, my first international mission trip.   

[ 7.1.2000 ]

In exactly one week, I will be in Brazil serving the God that I love. The nervousness is slowly sneaking up on me. More than anything, I am afraid that I am not prepared. I pray that I am at a point where God will ask me to do amazing things for Him while we are there, but I really don’t feel like I deserve such an awesome responsibility. Thank God that His thoughts are far more loftier than ours. I long to be an obedient servant to Him and I ultimately desire to show these children that there is an offer of love and hope.

God is teaching me that at one point, I was one of those orphaned children. No, I was not homeless, and yes, I have a family, but I was completely lost. I was under the wrath of God because of my sinfulness. I was trapped. I was lonely. I was hurting. I was, simply, without hope. Until, my glorious Savior, full of mercy and compassion called me out of bondage and into a unity with Him. He turned my rags into robes of righteousness. He gave me hope. I experienced true love. I praise Him for the gift of new life, but I refuse to forget the life that I was rescued from. For the life I lived is the life of the lost. Because I have lived that life, I hope to be able to connect, communicate with, and hopefully see God transform these kids into a brand new people. Children poor in money, but rich in hope.

Lord Jesus, please let our group unite so that you will be able to use us. Impact these orphans & street kids with Your love. Remind me of my emptiness before You called me. Give me a rich compassion for them, and above all else, make me obedient to You so that I may know Your awesome power.

Phil. 3:7-10

*****

[ 7-3-2000 ]

God, I know we’re taking this trip so that You can change the lives of the kids in Brazil, but Lord, I pray that you will change my life too.

*****

[ 7-10-2000 ] (in Brazil)

Lord, Today teach me about Yourself. Your amazing love, undeserved grace, Your patience, Your sovereignty and Your heart. Do something amazing through my life and the lives of these Brazilian kids, for your namesake.

Exodus 16:7: In the morning you will see the glory of the Lord.

*****

[ 7-11-2000 ]

God, I have really grown to love these people. They are so precious to You.

And also now to me.

I feel like I have a clearer understanding of how strong Your love is.

I met the most adorable child yesterday. His name is Wagner (pronounced Vagner) and he has really touched my heart. For some reason (praise to God) he latched onto me yesterday and all day today has refused to leave my sight. He is a tiny 11-year-old. He would play with me, sit with me at worship, ride the roller coaster thingy, and hug on me all the time. If I was sitting in the grass, he would wrap my arms around him, snuggle up to me and lay his head on my lap.

Braxton pulled me aside and told me:

Wagner is an orphan.

No family. No money. And little love from others.

Braxton continued.  He said that, for this week, I would be his mother.

And as strange as it sounds, I already really, really love him.

Lord, remind Wagner that You have given him a future. Remind him that he is fearfully and wonderfully made.  I would take him home, Lord, if I could. You know my heart. Please take care of him, Jesus.  Help me show him love that comes from you.

*****

[ 7-12-2000 ]

Everyone here thinks my laugh sounds like a seal. (?!)

I’ve laughed so much on this trip. More than I ever have in a single week, I think. Everyone is just so funny and full of life.

Tonight, Jason Butler, a missionary and our camp pastor, shared a lesson on our value according to God. At the end we all stood in a circle and held hands and the Brazilians sand to one another and to us a song about our importance to God. It was a very special moment knowing that we were surrounded by our brothers and sisters in Christ. Then he said if anyone had someone specific in mind that really meant a lot to them and that they really wanted to show them, then go tell them how very special they are to God.

Wagner ran straight to me.

He hugged me and hugged me and hugged me as if his life depended on it.

Everyone else continued to move around the room hugging people. But Wagner refused to let go.

I wept openly.

Not from sorrow, but from a deep sense of helplessness.

This beautiful child needs someone to love. And needs someone to love him.

And right now he has no one.

This boy has such a precious heart.

I cried and he held me.

Please, Jesus, send Your child a family to love him.

*****

[ 7-13-2000 ]

This trip is nothing like we expected: living conditions, weather, everything; but the biggest difference from our expectation were the campers. We were expecting to lead a camp full of orphans and street kids, but obviously God had other plans.  And honestly, I'm not sure if our hearts could have handled camp full of orphans.

There are, however, five of them here.

Wagner is the youngest and is here with two other boys and two girls.

The temperature turned very cold (below freezing) in the middle of the week leaving all five of them with unsuitable clothing for winter. 

None of them have ever owned a coat and most of them have never even worn one.

Joan asked Paul (one of our translators) to go to the nearest town and buy each of them one. We all chipped in to pay for them and Paul was able to get them each something very nice. Paul asked Michael and I to come into the room as he gave Wagner his coat.

Paul asked him in Portuguese, "Wagner would you like an early Christmas present?"

He just got a huge grin on his face, put on his coat, and stood there beaming.

The very first thing he said -- his initial reaction -- was to ask Paul, "Where is Stephanie's coat? Does she get one?"

Paul explained that the coat was a gift from me.

So Wagner wrapped his arms around me, kissed me on the cheek and repeatedly said, "Tank cu. Tank cu. Tank cu."

I will never forget such a humbling moment.

*****

[ 7.14.2000 ]

It was hard for me to say goodbye to Wagner today.

I worry about his future.

Jesus, help us to not be anxious of such things knowing that your ultimate plan is perfect and no matter how bleak our earthly situations may appear, Your presence shall never leave us.

God, You taught me so much this week. How to truly give: from the heart . . . cheerfully . . .freely . . . and the blessings that come from that. 

[ India ]*

Wow! You people are AMAZING!!

It has been such a blessing to see people get so excited about what God is doing in India! The feedback has been such affirmation for us and a true faith-builder revealing even further God's people's hearts for those who cannot help themselves.

Let me fill you in on some details of what we hope to accomplish in India:

[ Goal 1 ]:
Build a home (or buy a home) for the orphans that are currently being cared for by a couple, Edwin & Bujji, who only makes $45 / month:

[ Goal 2 ]*

Sponsorship of each orphan to provide for their basic needs:

[ Goal 3 ]*

Support the David Levi Guinn School, which was started with the help of our friends, Jami + Jeff Guinn and named in memory of their son, Levi. The school offers free education to the village children (whose parents would otherwise be unable to afford to send their kids to government schools). In addition to traditional education, the kids (who are primarily from Hindu families) are taught about the Bible and Jesus Christ.  We are praying for ways to be able to pay the operational expenses of the school, specifically the yearly lease and staff salaries. Just to give you an idea, the teachers are paid $20-28/ month based on their experience.)

[ Goal 4 ]*

Let me just tell you that I feel selfish even mentioning this again, because it is personal, but I figured it should be included in the list: We hope to provide a loving home for at least one, maybe three, of the children. Why mention this? Because every day we are talking with lawyers in India and the U.S. and the road has already been extremely emotional.  Some days things fall into place beautifully and then there are days like today where we get discouraged by how impossible the situation seems.  So, I mention it as a goal, so that, hopefully, you will pray for us.  It is difficult to explain how strongly God has put this in our heart and the thought of it not coming to fruition is too difficult to even consider.

A lot of you have contacted us and said that you want to get involved.  It might take me a while to get back to all of you, but slowly I am getting through the emails, facebook messages, and phone calls and will let you know how you can help specifically.

If you have not contacted me, but want to help in anyway, just let me know and I will get you more details.

Again, thank you for sharing your hearts with us.  I say this everyday, but we really are surrounded by unbelievably amazing people.

We are so blessed.

[ When God Speaks, We Listen ]*

Preface:

Deep inhale.

Even deeper exhale.

Let me set the stage for you.  I am sitting at my laptop, I hit New Post and I instantly start crying.

And we are not talking about a pretty cry.  Sobbing. Snot rivers flowing down my face. And I can't breathe.

So here I am, fingers have not even touched the keys and I'm already broken.

Hence starting off with a collective breathing exercise. Maybe there should be "lamaze for bloggers" classes?

I want to share what God has been doing in our hearts, but it has been much harder to bring myself to share than I ever thought.  There are a few reasons why.  We feel very, very humbled by what we believe God is calling us to do.   And we are even more humbled by how clearly He has spoken to us about it.  To know that the Creator of the Universe speaks to us is just too much to take in sometimes, you know?  Then throw in the fact that He allows us to join in HIS WORK is even more weighty. The last month or so has pretty much rendered us speechless, in awe of Him and His plans.  [Speechless, but definitely not dry-eyed.]

It's a lot to take in, but we are thankful.

And as we begin a long and complicated journey, we do so with confidence knowing that we are simply following His leading.

With that being said, [and my tears/snot being wiped from my keyboard], we'd like to ask you to join us in prayer.

We believe God is leading us to do everything that we can to be a mom and dad to 1-3 precious orphaned girls from India.

[The waterworks are flowing again.]

I'll share the full story, details and background on what led us to this point, but I did want to put it out there so that you can be praying for us and them.

We've already begun the process of trying to adopt Anjali, the 10-year-old (as of March 13th!) that David told you about while I was in Africa.  She is the third girl from the front in the photo below:

We are also praying for confirmation about adopting two more, whose names are Sangavi (7-years-old and is the first girl) and Mary (9-years-old and is the second girl).

Wait there is more.

In the meantime, we (us, Bear + Kristen) are going to build a home in India for them and the other 24 orphans they live with.  We are also going to raise money to meet their nutritional, medical and academic needs.

So, yeah, prayers would be incredible at this point.

And like I said, I will answer the million or so questions that I am sure this post will stir up shortly.  It is just that things began to move very quickly after we sat down with our parents and filled them in on what we are doing, and we wanted to let everyone else know the basics so that you would not be completely caught off guard.

Last thing: Can I just tell you . . . that the emails I received after the post about asking for prayer for direction were hilarious.

Almost every single one said the exact same thing, word for word:

"Just tell me. Are you and David moving to a third world country?!?!? Or are you adopting some kids from some third world country?!?!?!" 

So perhaps this post won't catch too many of you off-guard after all. :)

[ Meet Anjali ]*

Hey Stephanie Cannon fans. Sorry to disappoint but this is her worser-half, David. As you all know, Steph is in Africa and I just returned from India where I spent a couple of weeks. While there this time, I was able to spend a lot of time with the orphan children there that Pastor Edwin and his wife, Bujji, care for.

On my first trip there, many of you know that I was extremely sick (H1N1) and spent almost the entirety of those two weeks in the bed with a 103-104-degree fever with almost no relief. The guys I traveled there with obviously had a lot of work to do (that's why we went... not to lay around like a bunch of sick folks!), so I was often by myself. But the orphans there really stepped up. These 7- to 15-year-old orphans would come in my house and pray for me and take care of me. I was blown away by their selflessness and their service to me. The crazy thing is that no one told them to do this... they would actually ask permission to come help me. Incredible kids.

Anyhow, one of the most special kids to me last time was a girl named Anjali. She was seven when I was there a couple of years ago and was so sweet. She was the least aggressive kid in terms of vying for attention while we were playing or spending time together. The rest of the kids would get in front of her to get my attention and she would just stand off to the side, looking at me in a way that said, "I want your time and attention, but I don't want to seem selfish." I was immediately drawn to her on that last trip. I'll also never forget that before we left for home, I crouched down to hug her and she gave me a kiss on my beard. I melted, they put me in a bucket and shipped me home.

Last fall, Anjali became very ill and almost didn't make it. I remember finding out about it and wishing there was something I could do to help. It was then that I really started hoping that I could get back to India again and see her.

This time around, I was able to spend a lot of time with her. We spent a lot of time playing in the field next to Edwin and Bujji's house everyday we were there. On the first day of the pastors conference, we decided we were going to wash the pastors' feet just as Jesus did to serve His disciples. During a lull in the pastors sitting down in front of us, I was able to pull Anjali onto the chair and got to wash her feet. It was such a great privilege to show love to this little girl whose parents left her.

At the first opportunity, she had me sit down and she washed my feet. It was pretty overwhelming.

In addition to the fun and playing, we also had a couple of great moments. While we were playing one day, one of the boys accidentally knocked Anjali in the face and onto the ground. She started crying and I was able to pick her up, hold her and comfort her. Again, it was just a great opportunity to show her that she's loved and not forgotten.

As we were getting ready to leave Edwin and Bujji's house this time, I was up on the roof shooting some photos of the guys packing the van below. Anjali came up on the roof with me and began talking to me with a lot of urgency. She doesn't speak English and, of course, I don't speak Telugu, so I didn't know what she was saying. She ran and grabbed one of the other girls who speaks a little English and told her to tell me what she was saying. The other girl said to me that she was asking me please not to go. Part of me wishes she had never said that because leaving was already hard enough.

I just received an email a couple of hours ago that Anjali got sick again last night and they had to take her to the hospital. I ask that you'll pray for her health. Her tenth birthday is tomorrow, so please pray that she'll be well by then. Also, I'm going to be making a short video for her to tell her happy birthday. If any of you would like me to tell her happy birthday for you, let me know what you'd like me to say and I'll tell her who you are and what you'd like to say to her.