Monday, April 25, 2011

[ Beauty in the Pain ]*

[ Before you read this post, I would ask you to please scroll down and watch the video below and then read David's last post.  So that this post will make more sense. ]

When I shared the John Piper video on Thursday morning, I had no idea what the next 24 hours would hold.  But the Lord knew.  Perhaps He was preparing our hearts for all that we were about to see? Or maybe He just wanted to clearly show us that He orchestrates all things, knows all things, and sees the big picture that we are unable to see this side of eternity.

Because, as you read below, only a few hours after sharing that video { which specifically references losing children }, we found ourselves in a hospital room with our friends, KD and Cobb, who were facing the unspeakable tragedy losing their unborn twins.

We had photographed their wedding and so, they asked me to be in the delivery room to capture images of the births of their baby boy and baby girl.

I've struggled over the last few days how to articulate what the experience was like, but any words seem entirely inept.

Honestly, it was a completely heart-wrenching experience.  It was awful.  Excruciatingly painful.

And, yet. . . beautifully life-changing.

At 11:30 pm on Thursday, KD gave birth to her little girl, Sailor Marie.  Sailor was already gone before she arrived.  KD and Cobb spent the next few hours with her.

Saying hello and saying goodbye in the same breath.  Pouring a lifetime of love into mere moments.

At 6:30 am the next morning, KD's mom woke me up in the waiting room to tell me that Ryder was coming and we needed to get in the delivery room.  As we opened her hospital door, we heard a baby's cry that sounded exactly like a baby lamb.

I will never, ever forget that sound.

As I type this, I hear the sweet sound in my mind again and have goosebumps.

Hearing his cry may have been the most heart-breaking moment in my entire life.

It was so hard understanding that the sounds of life would soon be replaced with the silence of death.  It was too much to handle.

Yet in the midst of horrific circumstances that no parents should ever face, there was still such beauty in the pain. 

A daddy rocking his baby girl.

A mommy kissing her baby boy's forehead.

Grandparents embracing their grand-babies with genuine pride.

Talks about Sailor having her mommy's feet and lips and Ryder having his daddy's fingers and chest.

I was weeping the entire time I was photographing the scene unfolding before me.  Some were tears of sorrow, others were tears of joy.

Grief mixed with gratitude.

Just a few hours prior, I was watching a video about God being most glorified when, through the deepest possible pain, we say: 

God is enough.

God is enough, He is good.

He will take care of us.

He will satisfy us.

He will get us through this.

He is our treasure.

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And on earth there is nothing that I desire besides you.

My flesh
and my heart
and my little boy and girl may fail,

But you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

As I watched a broken-hearted mommy and daddy said hello and goodbye to their first two children, I saw God be the strength of their heart and their portion.   And in that hospital room, our Lord looked perfectly glorious.

Being in that hospital room was one of the greatest privileges of my life and it has forever changed my heart.

For a few hours, I was able to see the most pure, the most beautiful and selfless love that I have ever seen.

KD, I pray that one day I will be half of the mommy that you were to Sailor and Ryder.  You poured every ounce of love within your being into those babies. They knew nothing but your perfect love and comforting arms.  And it was so, so beautiful to see firsthand.

1 comment:

Kam said...

Bless you sweet, friend. Mattie shared with us this weekend...and we are so sorry for them. But as you know, God is glorified in suffering. I will pray for them to be strong in the Lord. His grace is sufficient.

I love the Piper video...I had posted it myself back in the fall of 2009. We had only been home with Joel for 6 weeks and life was hard in many ways. But I was so convicted {I always am by Piper. We just love him.} and even now, in the midst of your friends' suffering...Jesus is enough.

I was sharing your heart with my mom this weekend and about all that you and David are working toward in India. I can't wait to see what the days ahead hold for you and I trust that you will see His hand in it all.



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