Saturday, June 26, 2010


A tragedy occurred within our family this week.

You see, we plan to head to the beach next week with all of the Beal's (David's mom's side of the family).

Aunts, uncles, cousins, everybody.

And on each family beach vacation we take a family portrait.

Each year we have a dress code for the pict.

This year we got an email saying that we would all wear white shirts, red and blue accessories and--brace yourself--jean shorts.

Jean Shorts?


JEAN SHORTS????!!!!????

I'm going through my day like normal, reading my emails and all of a sudden it was as if time stood still.

"We are all going to wear jean shorts as a family."

When I snapped back into reality, the first thought that squeezed its way through the cogged gears of my brain were, "But Florida fans wear jean shorts".

I called David.

He answered, "We cannot wear JEAN SHORTS.  Do people still sell JEAN SHORTS?"

Next step: I emailed our cousin who is also in his 20s and is a rather level-headed fellow.


Did you know that the family wants us to wear JEAN SHORTS for our family portrait?!?! Maybe it is a regional thing but jean shorts are totally taboo around here. They are about as redneck as you can get. Is it the same out there in Texas?? David and I are flipping out. Because 1. No one has sold jean shorts since 1983 and 2. If we wear jean shorts we would NEVER, EVER be able to show these photos to ANYONE.

We need your help in swaying the vote. NO JEAN SHORTS! Are you with us???

I called my best friend.

Me: "Hil, our family wants us to wear jean shorts for the family portrait."

Eruption of laughter.

Hil: "I think Joel has some jean shorts David can borrow."

Then I hear Joel yelling from the background: "Hilary! Don't ever tell anyone that I have jean shorts!"

At this point I am at a loss. 

So I google jean shorts.  Maybe there has been a swing in the fashion pendulum and they have come back.

Wikipedia informs me that jean shorts are sometimes called "jorts".  Doesn't sound very hip to me.

Then I consult

Here is what they had to say about jean shorts ("jorts"):

a combination of the words "jean" and "shorts" used to describe the hideous attire, usually sported by NASCAR afficianados and men over 40. Sometimes Jorts are accessorized with a lovely cellphone belt clip and a braided leather belt, but not always. Sometimes the Jorts wearer lets the Jorts speak for themselves.
While at a baseball game, I noticed a plethora of adult males with no shirts on, drinking copious amounts of beer while proudly wearing Jorts.

Suspicions confirmed.  

So today, with a sick feeling in my stomach I will head out to find some jean shorts for me and my husband to wear in our annual family beach portrait.

And during our photo shoot, it is very likely that I will capture one of David like this, to have framed by our bed:


Hannah D said...

Ohhhhhh nooooooooo!!!!! Don't do it Steve!!!!

Or better yet do (but land sakes, don't pay full price--head to the local Goodwill cause you know they'll have a plethora there!), and please, please, PLEASE use them for your Christmas cards this year. I mean, I think this could possibly be the only way for you to top your classic 80's Christmas card photo ya'll did a couple of years back. For real, this may be your one opportunity to "one up yourselves" & I encourage you not to let it slip by.

...and never fret, I'll love you no matter what my jort wearing friend ;)

Anonymous said...

HAHA! You did learn something at UGA...Gators wear jean shorts!



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